You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
