We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Also, beer. Big fan.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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