You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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