I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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