I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
