Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
