Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
