Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
