I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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