Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I smell stomach acid.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
