Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
