she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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