You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
