So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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