Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the condom got lost in my hair
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
