he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Pooping to opera.
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