do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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