Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
