i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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