Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
