you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I need moral support for this bender
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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