Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
