Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
