porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
