My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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