I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
