What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Still dying that you shit outside
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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