I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
