So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
