a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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