and she was petting her beer can
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
