I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just had sex bonerless
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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