i think my tv is drunk
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
