My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
