just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
