used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Randomize
