I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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