I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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