you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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