I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
