my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
