Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
