good thing vaginas are great cup holders
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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