i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Still dying that you shit outside
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
