I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
