I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
