about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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