I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
