Redeem this text for a blowjob
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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