I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
false alarm. still invincible.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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