the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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