Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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