I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize