the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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