you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
