So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
