every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
