He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
