dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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