so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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