Where are you?
In a non slutty way
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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