im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
