I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
