I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
