Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
