so that wasnt chicken after all
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
