the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
