my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
