My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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