i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
