I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
