There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Pooping to opera.
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