I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
