Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She bit a glass in half.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
