someone get that fucking seahorse.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
smell my finger.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
