instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
