So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
