just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
